I spoke to him yesterday. It was just like the old times, but worse. All the feelings came flooding back, but magnified by hundreds and hundreds. I feel so overwhelmed by it all. He made me feel so small again. I knew it was a bad idea but I just couldn’t stop it from happening. All the things he said to me made me feel like I was nothing. No bigger than the smallest dot on a huge piece of paper. He acted like nothing had changed-but it has. Everything has changed. I’m different and he’s different. I like him still, but he makes my skin crawl. I feel the pull of my attraction towards him, yet I know that everyone is right. He is unhealthy and damaging. I need to get away from him. From everything. I can’t do this anymore. I need to get away. I feel so overwhelmed.
This is not normal, yet I have heard things from others who have experienced the same things. They just get him out of their systems then move on. Maybe this is what I should do too. Do what he wants, but replay the mind games he played on me. Get my revenge, and act all mixed up. He needs to feel exactly like I felt. How I still feel. It has already started and already I feel so much better. He came crawling back just like I did before all this. I sit here smiling, feeling the rush of disgust for him, and the satisfaction of knowing that he is experiencing the same things I experienced. Ha. This makes me feel so much better.
I am proud of myself. All the things I could have done to punish myself, yet I finally choose to punish him. I have finally learned his game, and I will play it much better than he can play it. I will beat him at his own game.
This is not normal, yet I have heard things from others who have experienced the same things. They just get him out of their systems then move on. Maybe this is what I should do too. Do what he wants, but replay the mind games he played on me. Get my revenge, and act all mixed up. He needs to feel exactly like I felt. How I still feel. It has already started and already I feel so much better. He came crawling back just like I did before all this. I sit here smiling, feeling the rush of disgust for him, and the satisfaction of knowing that he is experiencing the same things I experienced. Ha. This makes me feel so much better.
I am proud of myself. All the things I could have done to punish myself, yet I finally choose to punish him. I have finally learned his game, and I will play it much better than he can play it. I will beat him at his own game.
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